There Will Be Typos: A Manifesto
Some thoughts on managing expectations, fresh starts, new beginnings, do-overs, perfectionism, the infinitude of cosmic mulligans, and pressing send.
Happy New Year!
Most of what happens next will not go as planned, as evidenced by this very post, which probably should have run on New Year’s Day instead of whenever today turns out to be.
And that’s OK.
In fact, most of what will happen this year will be closer to OK than not, even if, looking down the road at an event that’s scheduled to take place in the United States about 11 months from today, apocalyptic visions spring to many of our minds.
Even if 2024 winds up being closer to cataclysm than OK, it’s not the end of the world. Although…it also could be. And I guess that’s OK, too, insofar as (and I’m guessing here) we as individual humans have very little to do with when and how existence as we know it might end.
Which is, and I realize this is repetitious already, also OK.
Repetition is not necessarily a bad thing.
It’s often the way we learn things and acquire skills.
It’s the way advertising works — it’s how they getcha and why you might have bought that Boxbollen Ball after you saw the advertisement for it on Instagram five or six or seventy times. (We have two in the house. One in pink. One in red. Both still in the Boxbollen boxes. Maybe we’ll play tonight. Hope springs eternal.)
Repetition is also how we build habits, which, again, can be a good thing or a bad thing or a neutral thing, although probably less likely to be neutral than not.
Depending on context, good and bad and neutral are moving targets.
When someone tells you to “pick a side” they usually mean their side.
Most of the time not picking a side is picking a side, but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes neutrality is helpful. When it comes to killing people (or doing harm to any sentient being), I don’t believe it’s helpful.
See, that’s a belief. It happens to be my belief.
There can be a difference between believing something and that something being factually true. There also can be a difference between the facts and the truth.
It is possible to believe two (or more) seemingly opposing things — even if you call them “truths” — without your head exploding or the world ending or you deciding that the people who don’t believe the way you do are your enemy or a threat or the “other”.
I am not always right. You are not always right. They are not always right. I am not always wrong. You are not always wrong. They are not always wrong.
No one is always or never anything.
Being on time is usually a good thing. Being late is usually not a good, kind, or respectful thing, but neither is being too early, unless we’re talking about arriving at an airport before a flight, saying your sorry, making an appointment for a colonoscopy after the age of 45, telling someone you love them, quitting smoking, being unkind, attempting to make changes in your life to be healthier, nicer, less judgmental, more flexible, less stubborn, and more loving.
No one is always or never anything.
You will make mistakes. They will make mistakes. Everyone will make mistakes.
You will be forgiven. They will be forgiven. Everyone will be forgiven.
You won’t forgive everyone for everything. They won’t forgive everyone for everything. Not everyone will forgive everyone for everything.
Knowing that is probably more helpful than harboring a different expectation.
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is a good thing. And being kind is a greater good than being right.
Asking for what you need is a good thing, even if it’s also a hard thing.
You can do hard things. I can do hard things. We all can do hard things.
I find that setting intentions is generally more helpful than making resolutions.
Intent is important, but not as important as action.
What you say can leave as indelible a mark as what you do.
How what you say and what you do make people feel is what they will remember.
Most of the time, when someone tells you about a problem they’re having, they’re not asking you to fix it for them; they’re asking you to listen to them.
If you need help, it’s best, if you are able, to ask for it.
Having a plan is often useful. Having a back-up plan is almost always useful.
Being nimble is crucial. So is patience.
Even with the best laid plans, intentions, back-up plans, early arrivals, forgiveness, love, patience, and nimblosity (a word I made up and prefer to whatever might be more correct), things will go wrong.
You will be late. You may be too early. You will get it wrong. It will take you too long to do something or say something. You will miss a deadline. You will break a promise. You will injure someone unintentionally. You may even hurt someone on purpose.
What you do after you make a mistake is likely more important than the mistake itself.
It costs nothing to apologize.
An apology that has a caveat or contains the phrase “if I” or “that you” is probably not actually an apology.
In a cosmic sense, No One is keeping score, but you do get points for trying.
Everyone is trying (even the ones who don’t seem like they are).
If you’re wondering whether it would be good to go for a walk, go for a walk.
If you’re thinking about someone you care about and haven’t heard from in a while, make the phone call. Or at least send an email or a text.
Make contact. And if you can, make eye contact.
Assume benevolence. (This one, or a close version thereof, is not mine, but comes from one of my professors at Loyola’s Institute of Pastoral Studies, David Dault.)
Helping everyone you meet, in whatever way you can, to become “dignified agents of their own destiny” is one of the greatest gifts you can give. This is also from Dr. Dault, who has taught me so very much in such a short time and to whom I am particularly grateful in this season of epic change.
Attribution is important.
Be generous with giving others credit for their work and wisdom.
If someone does or says or creates something that moves you to tears, changes the way you see the world, helps you understand something better, widens the aperture through which you see the others or God or the universe, brings you joy, helps you forgive yourself or someone else, holds space for you, extends grace to you, or allows you to feel more freedom to love more expansively, tell them.
Say thank you. (Thanks, David.)
Ask for consent. And in this context specifically, do take no for an answer.
Please don’t jump the queue.
Just because something is flawed in some sense doesn’t mean it’s not perfect in another.
There will be typos.
You can fix them later.
Or not.
Everyone needs an editor. Not everyone has an editor.
Sometimes it’s more important to share the thing on your heart than it is to wait for just the right words, which might never come. Sometimes almost the right words are the right words.
Sometimes it’s actually better to wait for the words to come rather than to say what you don’t mean.
Every new year is a fresh start. And every day is a fresh start. And every breath is a fresh start. And every moment is a fresh start.
There are infinite cosmic mulligans available on this side of the Veil. And maybe on the other side of the Veil, too, but no one really knows that for sure.
If someone tells you they know for sure what happens on the other side of the Veil, it’s probably better to smile kindly and say “OK” than to argue about something neither of you knows with any actual certainty.
Everything happens for a reason is never the right thing to tell someone who is grieving or experiencing trauma. It’s also not true, so it’s so much better to say nothing than to say that.
It’s more important to be present than to know the right thing to say.
Show up (on time if you can, but even if you’re extremely late, still show up.)
We don’t know what’s going to happen and there’s so much we cannot control.
We can control how we react to what happens.
Whenever possible, try not to be anxious.
Whenever possible, try to be brave.
Whenever possible, try to be kind.
Whenever there is a choice (and I’m pretty sure there’s always a choice, even if it’s a tiny one), choose love.
It’s possible to turn joy into peace.
Breathe.
The Universe is for you.
There is no them. There’s only us.
My friend B wrote that last bit in a song and I’m pretty sure he heard it from someone else before it became a lyric. No matter how many times he sings it or I sing it or someone else sings it or says it or lives it, it changes the world for the better.
Maybe if we sing it or say it or think it enough, more of us will believe it.
So, sing out, Louise.
It doesn’t matter whether you can carry a tune.
If you find yourself clutching at something or someone, try letting go or loosening your grip. See how that feels.
Listen to your heart’s desires, especially the ones that don’t seem to make much sense.
Decision fatigue is a thing. Simplify what you can.
If you’re wondering whether you should hold on to that or finally get rid of it, you probably should get rid of it.
Change can be scary. Change is often uncomfortable, even when it’s welcome. Change usually involves some measure of grief. If you’re in the midst of change, let yourself feel all the things.
It’s OK. It won’t always feel like this.
I know people say not to pull at the thread, but pull at the thread. See what happens. Find out where the thread goes, what it leads to, what it’s already attached to, where it might take you if you keep pulling.
Progress doesn’t always feel like it. Neither does perfection.
You’ll never know if you don’t ask. So, ask already.
Even when you ask, you have to listen for the answer and a lot of the time it doesn’t come immediately or sound like you thought it might.
Listen louder. (That’t another one that’s not mine, but comes from one of my life’s greatest teachers, the lady we’ve lately taken to calling Lazar-Ina.)
Forgive yourself. For the typos and the mortal sins and all the spectrum of fuckups in between.
It’s January 2. Happy New Year.
And it’ll be a new year on January 3.
And July 3.
And November 6.
And December 31.
And whenever you read this.
It won’t be perfect and neither will you.
That’s not just OK, that may just be the whole point of this joint enterprise.
So, to paraphrase some wisdom from Dame Marjorie “Maude” Chardin, let’s get out there and L-I-V-E live! — otherwise we’ll have nothin’ to talk about in the locker room.
Try not to worry.
Be not afraid. #NoliTimere
And press send.
In this and every new year, let’s be as brave and as kind as we can be.
Don’t forget that you haven’t met yet everyone you will love, and you haven’t met yet everyone who will love you.
Much love from me,
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In 2024, I’ve decided not to place any post behind a paywall. But, as this is part of how I make my living, if you’d like to help support my creative endeavors, paid annual subscriptions are 50 % off through January 6.
Think of it as a BOGO. Buy one for yourself, give a gift subscription to someone you love — two for the price of one. Or four for the price of two. Or 20 for the price of 10.
And if one chooses to become a paid subscriber (or gifts a paid subscription to someone else) at the PATRON level, it comes with an hour of one-on-one creative consultation with me via phone or Zoom about whatever project you are considering, writing, or making, or story you are hoping to tell in the new year — in and of itself comprising a $175 value.
You are wise teacher yourself. Thank you for this, I needed/need this, 4-ever. XOXO
Amen. Thank you.